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Hi Fuxi, and welcome. 
 

Nice to have another internal martial arts practitioner here. I study Xinyiliuhequan, and have some experience with shengong too. What styles do you practice?

 

feel free to ask your questions in this thread or create a new thread.

 

Enjoy your time here.

FX

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Dear FaXin,

 

Thank you for the welcome.

I practised Shaolin for about 10 years; and basically the 3 main daoist martial art styles; baguazhang, xingyiquan and taijiquan.
Since 2 years I practise Shen Gong with a tutelary deity; wich I was assigned in a daoist temple in Malaysia.
The temple is typical South-East Asian daoism; were Buddhist deities are also worshipped and acknowledged.

 

About my questions; I have had experiences the last weeks, ranging from demonic possession and being 'fired' up by even just looking at an inverted pentagram.

Strangely enough, it gave me so much power, that I kind of grew from it, or better said, it gave me the boost I needed to 'up' myself. I've been more or less depressed lately. It also led to the strongest experience to date with my tutelary deity, who completely came through during these experiences.

 

I'll just share a little bit of myself first, to make sense of my story.

The 'demonic possession'  ; shows a strong 'blockage' ; or maybe better said a personality treat of mine.
I've been listening to death metal since the age of 13, as a child drew horror scenes (people being killed, scenes of warfare, monsters), and always looked at real scenes of death/ executions with a kind of fascination.

At the same time I've always been able to see the difference between good and bad though; as teenager I stayed away from in my eyes the more 'religious' metal,
like black metal, and never really took my music serieus as in religious context. There's a saying about death metal; beer, music and having fun.

 

I normally balanced myself out, with for example, green tea; wich was one of the most greatest moments of my day.
It's in an actual tea shop in Asia I met the master who introduced me to the Shen Gong aswell.
I loved smoking cannabis; without tobacco; wich also gave me that yin aspect and balanced me out.

 

But fast forward years later; so much came into my life; that 'my' way got cancelled.


I smoke cigarettes right now; and smoked cannabis with tobacco for the time being, which is a whole different experience in my opinion then without tobacco.
Without tobacco, it is much more gentle, cooling, healing. With tobacco added the experience is dirty, tiring.

 

Anyways; the reason for these explanations; I was going to do a reset; my birthday is right after halloween, so I got some weed, and planned on quitting tobacco,
and other 'vices' that I did for 'fun', and finally be myself again, and live the life I want.

 

By thinking of 'cleaning' myself up this way, things just got crazy. I was going to enjoy my 'vices' for a couple of days before my birthday;
including joints mixed with tobacco, music; and after each smoke, the vibrations were so tuned down, things got insane.
I've noticed something very off with the whole vibration slowed down extremely, I sit of my desk, and notice a huge shadow on my right side.
It was a Satyr; a humanoid goat (wich I experienced aswell in the past for a reason), like the Baphomet character in front of me pointing his sword finger at me.


This satyr had goat legs, human middle body, I didn't see his face (but I assume he has a goat head), and I was the size of his shin. He felt very old.
Interestingly, all fear subsided, I felt comfortbale; and this black matter on my right side (some sort of blockage I have for a while), merged with me,
it felt as if he healed me, like made me whole, and then this huge burst of energy, with an aggressive touch to it.
It felt amazing, I'm not going to lie. I felt like a god, everything I ever trained in terms of martial arts was perfected, I'm not making this up.

 

There were cold spots in my appartment after this, where I would stand (like the mirror in my bathroom, the sink were I make coffee/ tea in the kitchen);
and the cold energy felt fantastic. I thanked whatever it was; and the power derived from it was amazing.

My whole face went white aswell, my eyes Chinese/ dark, I felt fantastic. However, it kept happening, and I soon started feeling like ok, time off now.

 

My tutelary deity came through during/ after (this happened for a couple of days) ; with my hands forming horns, as in mudra's, Buddha's holding horn like mudra's with the hands.
In my small world; I was like, wow, this is some type of a left hand path I'm on, this is great, the horns represent like a demon kungfu style. I never see things black and white, and I don't believe in permanent evil, or an evil force.

Days later I muse around with my mind; realizing the horn hand mudra is against evil; most likely my own thoughts that took a run with me during these experiences.

I ended up going against the whole experience, and whatever energy around, was not amused. Black orbs, with a strong power to it, angry in my bathroom for example.

I'm just sharing this experience, to make sense of my being in general.


The reason I'm here is, I've been in touch with Jeff about 2 years ago, maybe 3, through that 'other' forum. I've experienced his energy, and when that happened,

a female form of energy was in my room, refreshing my whole head, and eventually merging with me. About a week later I fought this off, not trusting going so deep with a complete stranger.


This female form however, never left. She is communicating through smells, she is emating a stinky smell as I write; as I shouldn't share all of this most likely.


I'm not even sure it's Jeff, and I apologize for any offense made, but it triggered alot however. With this power surge from this satyr like being, this female ghost was pushed out, and hovered around being ice-cold in my room. I let her do whatever she does, and my mind felt great afterwards. Clean. Positive.

Didn't felt aggressive, she balanced the 'demonic' energy out very well.

Then I pass by one of these cold spots, and a voice saying my name, followed by, we greet you; and boom, a power surge, some shadow boxing; and she would be out again.


I have lot's of other experiences; with a naga spirit especially, who comes from the ground, into my heart, and makes me kind and gentle.
But I'll share that, if anybody wants to hear it, later.


I just feel, I'm kinda at a loss really. I've always been a man of extremes (my power animal is a tiger, a balanced strong animal), but the more I get pushed one side;
the more I ache for the other. Although after 2 weeks now, it's getting better, and reading through this site give me some insight aswell.

 

What I want to say; with this female spirit with me - if it is from Jeff or not - she never left, and interferes with everything.
From random thoughts about woman (justified thoughts or not, it doesnt matter to her), to interfering with my martial arts practise, wich I do not like.


She tries to show me a gentle way of moving, but I already have a teacher, and one of the points, is building energy is a big fascet of my style.
She would rob me of any energy/ internal force stored, that's how it feels at least.

And then again, I feel I did not lost any 'force' at all. It's just yeah, my path seems to be walked for me, and I'm not sure what to think of it.

I don't want to point fingers at all at Jeff, and if my post comes as offensive, I apologize.
I've been in touch with quite some people now, and who knows who this ghost female is.

But I would like to figure this out.

 

As I write this last sentence, a cooling energy goes up my right nostril, but it never get's through to refreshing me completely.

 

I hope I don't come across as crazy. There is just a re-occuring theme with female energy; and snake symbols, wich I'd like to be at peace with.

 

My heart opens if I look at cobra pictures for example. I've been at points, where I can see the buddha nature of a snake, I've had a python like energy around me,

I've experience a Naga/ Nagi taming my heart; and a huge black cobra sheltering me and protecting me, and going up when having a thought if I feel threatened.

 

Apologies for my long post, and if it doesn't belong on your forum, please feel free to not post it, no offense taken.

 

Best regards,

 

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Hi Fuxi, thanks for the post. Sounds like you have a lot of energy flowing around over there!

 

You seem to be sensitive and perceiving the energies around you. It also seems like (just from reading your post) you are working on clearing out some issues from your past. Congrats to you on that!

 

Sometimes when we make big changes, nasty stuff can come out, as you’re noticing. I would encourage you to stick to your practices through the challenging time. Sounds like a period of growth for you!

 

Ill let Jeff address the other stuff for you, but it sounds like the female and the snake represent parts of you that you’ve yet to integrate. Like something trying to come to the surface? I don’t know, what do you think?
 

Sometimes the “female” energy you mentioned from working with Jeff can be an aspect of ourself that we are feeling. I’ve increasingly come to realize it’s all inside of me!

 

Keep up the good work!
 

peace

FX

 

 

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Dear FaXin and Jeff,

 

Thank you very much for your replies.


I'm thinking about this, and can indeed make links to the past up to leading to all of this.

 

I have been projecting my fears and blockages on basically everybody.


I'm afraid of loosing a part of myself, or something I don't want to let go.

Taking things to an extreme as response.


I'm going to eat now, and think about all of this a little, and I'll respond later.

Writing things down, and talking about my experiences, gives me a good insight (without trying to intellectualize to much).

 

I'm glad I made the move of posting here. Thanks for giving me that chance.

 

It seems that there are no coincidences in life.


Thanks again,

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About the 'female energy form' with me;

 

The strange thing about all this; this form is a real energy, that has a mind of it's own.

 

I understand the part that it could be a part of my own, but how can I explain this experience:

There is an exercise called 'shooting arrows', in chi kung. You put your hand in the 'one finger zen' form, and the movements resemble shooting a bow.
Practising this one time, there is this energy form next to me; and I had the intent of using the exercise to keep her at bay.

She literally stinged me in the neck as response. That was the first time I observed her as very real.
 

Later at night she would go up my nose, and I gave up fighting it, and while going up my nose, generating the scent of white sage.

I am drinking a drink right now called kratom, and this happens every single time, she starts stinking. She doesn't like me drinking this.
Kratom is the leaf of a tree from SE-Asia. Thailand made it illegal in the 50's, as it threatened their opium trade;
as kratom does wonders for opiate addicts. Kratom gives a good feeling, but nothing extreme, and I never had any withdrawl from it, I certainly wouldn't consider it a drug. It does warm you up though, very much, and I suspect this is the reason she doesn't like it.

 

But common, I'm a grown adult man. It's my life at the end of the road.

What is this entity?

 

This all started (the white sage scent), in august 2017, and it never changed. I thought about a brain tumour, everything really, but lucky enough I haven't.

I've had doctor check ups from work, and everything was perfect, and I assume I'd be dead by now if it was.

 

Interestingly; when visiting Asia, the scent changes in jasmine, for whatever reason.

I visited the temple of my Sifu in 2018, with the objective of getting an answer, he laughed and said I'm definitly not possessed. He doesn't speak english, and I didn't really explain much of it.
The scent followed me into that temple, even stinking when hesitating with certain things. It's getting really comical and weird.

I assumed it came from one of my neighbours first (it starts stinking like sulphur as I write this); who moved in above me in the same month this all happened.

So ???

 

I blamed Jeff aswell back in the day. When getting in touch with Jeff at that forum (I believe spring 2019) ; the white sage scent also became very strong;
hence I tied it to you. My apologies.

 

There are 2 groups in spiritual practises, that state entities are either real, or an aspect of one's psyche.

But this is very real. I am not making this up.

 

It would be great if you could offer some type of explanantion for this, if any.

 

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3 hours ago, FaXin said:

it sounds like the female and the snake represent parts of you that you’ve yet to integrate. Like something trying to come to the surface?

 

It could be. Whatever this entity is, she's trying hard to get me to be someway.

Last year at Christmas eve, after waking up, I had a flash in my mind of the cobra at the heart; and my Sifu (deity) ; upped my spirit in my body.

One of the rare times I felt complete, rooted and myself.

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Something I would like to share aswell; I asked one of the other disciples of the temple to contact the master of the temple what is going on;

and his response was "if you mix different religions, you will loose your mind" .

 

So on the one hand ; my personal choice and path - riding the tiger (wich is impossible to seperate from regardless) ; and then this cobra road (?)

 

With 2 feet in 2 different boats sort to speak. I should explain that I experienced the tiger in full blown apparition next to me, when first meeting the master from that temple, 10 years ago. Very real, in colour and everything (no drugs, I was in Malaysia) ,I could even hug, feel, touch him.

He never left, altough, in my opinion, there have been people trying to seperate me from him, who most likely have no idea what it means.

Or they did succeed; and that could explain I lost half of my ethereal body.

 

I've had people here in this city verbally attacking me for example about practising 'zen' ; verbally attacking me for 'hating females', which is not true.

I played a Maha Kali mantra a couple of times in the past; and to my horror; woman were literally screamming and shouting "Noooo!!!" , "go away!!!!!!" ,

coincidentally at the exact same time the mantra started, and at different times when playing the mantra, even at night softly chanting it. From that moment on, I got into a scare of people messing around; and I have never been the same. Hence my scare of loosing something very special to me from total strangers, who for whatever reason feel so self-entitled to interfere with my life. :(

 

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Anyways, my apologies for getting carried away again.

 

I don't think they changed anything, it's just my complete confusion about this all. My mind once got scattered so hard, sitting at my desk; I appeared in a sub-terraen like world, beautifull, with little waterfalls and everything, and I stood there with my tiger, fully intact. There were 4 or 5 lizard men dressed in yellow and red hovering around me, and putting a type of head band around my head, with a stone at the forehead. I experienced this aswell as very real.

 

Maybe I just scattered my mind so bad at some point, and they are actually helping me.

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I also wanted to say; to Jeff, you are a very high level master. Your energy was also very pure and beautiful when I experieced it. I'm sorry for the drama I made on that other forum. I believe I was the first that started a topic on you, which led eventually to the whole drama that got you banned. I'm sorry.

 

I was actually going to go to Ecuador this januari, to visit Steve. Sold most of my belongings, then on the last minute I changed my mind, and left for Malaysia instead.

One week in Malaysia (I didn't even visit the temple this time), booked a flight to Amsterdam, got high for a week. then returned back to Belgium and slept on my mom's couch for half a year. I have my own place now.

 

I just looked up Steve (Starjumper) his facebook, and he is looking good and strong. The kid inside of me actually gave him a hug. And I feel good, rooted, solid behind the eyes right now. Haven't felt this balanced in a while. When everything get's way to white for me, I have had the same with figures like certain 'demons', or like Vlad the Impaler. A very relieving feel with them. This is the aspect I was afraid to loose. My Sifu deity is also black, but the darkness is very pure and calming. He's also very strict and 'hardcore' ; in his words, one rule ; virtue.

 

I just might take the one trip to Ecuador and try again, if Steve would still have me.

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I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. Sometimes talking it out and releasing it in that way can be a big help!

 

One thing I noticed in your post is that you mentioned you’re using Kratom. No judgement here, I’ve done my fair share of experimenting with substances too. But using things like that will unbalance our energy and open us up to unwelcome things and side effects. Kratom is a very potent drug. 
 

I believe you that the things you are experiencing are real for you. Perhaps instead of looking toward a spiritual answer, you can take a hard look at your mundane life. How often are you using kratom? Other substances? How does it affect your internal balance? Probably not the answer you want to hear, but maybe one that is good to hear. Hows Your relationships with friends and family?

 

Spiritual work can be fun, but it is also a rigorous self reflection of all aspects of our life. Spiritual work can be the cleaning of the mirror, which shows us what’s truly going on. :)

 

Feel free to reach out if I can be of service in any way. Be well

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44 minutes ago, FaXin said:

I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. Sometimes talking it out and releasing it in that way can be a big help!

Thanks. Yes it feels good to let it out, I have no friends who practise anything spiritually related, it's good to get it off my chest :)

 

46 minutes ago, FaXin said:

I believe you that the things you are experiencing are real for you. Perhaps instead of looking toward a spiritual answer, you can take a hard look at your mundane life. How often are you using kratom? Other substances? How does it affect your internal balance? Probably not the answer you want to hear, but maybe one that is good to hear. Hows Your relationships with friends and family?

Thanks for your advice. I use cannabis sometimes, quit often this year, after work. Last year I barely touched it. Kratom however, it's cheap and legal, a bag lasts me a month. I been using it practically half a year now every day. Last year I quit often, with intervals of using nothing for months.

 

I was hesitant about sharing about the substances, as people soon stop taking things serieus after reading that. Practically all my experiences I posted here happened sober though. Except for the 'possession' beginning of this month, with this satyr like being, happened every single time after smoking some weed. And just some tokes aswell. It surprises me how sensitive I've become to it.

 

Other then that I don't use anything else, except for a drink every other weekend.

 

I actually never looked at it from that perspective, that it unbalances me; only since these last experiences with the weed I planned on leaving it be.

So thanks for pointing it out.

 

It is actually quite a blockage all this :) , especially considering I was going to travel Asia this year, and left for Amsterdam after a week, just so I could in all privacy enjoy a good joint, just like the good old days. I've always loved it, and I actually used it to balance me out in the past.


About friends and family, with the covid, we are in lockdown still, up to the end of the year most likely. Forbidden to go outside from 10pm to 6 in the morning.

Bars, restaurants, closed. We can have 2 contacts max :rolleyes: , except for work, then it all doesn't matter. But yeah I'm not exactly the most social person, the situation doesnt really change much. I go out with my mom and brother every other weekend, and friends not so much anymore. Work is my main social outlet.

56 minutes ago, FaXin said:

Feel free to reach out if I can be of service in any way. Be well

Thanks, I will. Appreciate it :) And thanks for the advice!

 

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Sure thing. In my opinion, THC can be therapeutic in some ways, but can also be a hinderance. Energetically it will burn up kidney qi, and a person can get stuck in a transmission from it (basically get lost in their own head.) The energetic changes from something like kratom can be even stronger... 
 

The thing to remember about substances is the substance is eliciting an effect from our own physiological system. So while the THC gets you high, it’s your body that is doing all the work. Think about drinking caffeine... it’s not the caffeine that gives you the energy, the caffeine makes your body expend it’s stores of energy. 
 

I have had experiences with opiates in the past - be careful with Kratom. It may be cheap and available, but it can be just as hard to stop using as something like heroin.  Plenty of anecdotal experiences with that on the web.

 

 

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Fuxi,

 

Thank you for sharing so much of your journey.  And no worries about the other forum, it had been time for me to leave for a while.

 

The issues you have described were about more greatly opening your heart. At that level one begins to notice that there are two polarities to the movement of all energy. While I tend to call them transmission and reception, they are more commonly called male and female energies as one moves closer to the pole. With great clarity the energy flows freely on the spectrum.

 

Since “issues & fears” are really just trapped energy build up, my presence naturally “shares space”, which makes it easier to release the trapped energy.  That energy then flows in a loop, becomes more purified and comes back at higher levels. But more purified energy is “smoother” and hence feels lighter or is harder to notice. 

 

That transmission causes me to become the natural “receptive” pole for people, which is often seen as female. The dynamic itself is a part of all nature, but it becomes easier to notice with me as kind of a concentrated form. My “hugs” help establish a temporary localized field for this extra space and energy dynamic.

 

Some people then subconsciously connect to subconsciously deal with issues on a ongoing basis. Additionally, can identify divine female energy in general with me, as the feel of it may remind or seem like what they felt with me. Or you could simply say that divine female energy flows with/thru me from most peoples perspectives.

 

My energy/light has shifted even more over the last few years as I clear my own issues/fears up, so it is all an ongoing process.

 

If you, or anyone else, ever wants a hug, just let me know. But as you have stated above, everyone should know it can have a major effect.

 

Best,

Jeff

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Dear FaXin,

 

Yes, I realize the effects come from my own energy body.

One of my sihengs from my first chikung school, from South America, who is pretty high level and does shamanic travels and the like,

told me the spirit of any powerful psycho-active takes a bit of your willpower as exchange for the experience and insights.

 

With kratom there are 2 groups it seems; some people just can't let it go, and have cravings up to months, demonize it like mad on the internet,
while others just walk away from it with minimal side effects. I personally find it to give joy, energy, happiness.

 

The Thai government straight forwardly said in the 50's that the only reason they banned it is because it threatened the opium trade at that time.

There are lot's of reports of people quitting heroin and other strong opiates with kratom, succesfully.

 

I used it for months, then couldn't buy more, and had no side effects nor cravings. I did this a couple of times.

The last time I did have restless legs trying to fall asleep when I quit, but no actual cravings.
At least not comparable to cigarettes when I quit. Tobacco, in cigarette form is for me the worst substance I ever used.
A type of homesickness feel, longing, a very strong change in being aswell. And everything clears up when I quit.

And interestingly, I quit in 2010 after about 15 years of smoking, and had no cravings whatsoever strangely enough. And I tried 100's of times before that.
I did used pure weed then to keep my mind off of it though. Unfortunally I did start smoking after 3 years when my dad died.
One of the most dumb mistakes I ever did.

 

My kratom is gone after a couple of days, so its gonna be interesting to see the side effects after half a year of using it.


With the pandemic there is actually lot's of opportuntiy here for work.
I was a postman for most of the year, doing 25km each day with a bicycle, carrying 3 bags, each around 15kg each the whole day filled with mail.

One of the greatest jobs I ever did. Outside, no boss around. I was in contact with a whole lot of people during the pandemic;
going from mailbox to mailbox, talking to people who actually got the corona and who ended up in the hospital.

 

About 3 times, I woke up at night not being able to breathe/ shortness of breath, but that was about it, so I think I catched it aswell.

I got my lungs checked, and my heart, and they were more then perfect though.

 

Best regards,

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Dear Jeff,

 

Thank you very much for sharing, and explaining the process. It's pretty fascinating.

 

I remember last time, I had to cry, then laugh with my own 'sillyness' .

 

Thank you for the offer. I'm going to clean my act up in the following days, practise with my Sifu, and I'll see what comes out.


I'll let you know.

 

Thanks again,

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I just woke up, haven't felt more balanced like this in a long time.

Thanks alot.

 

It's still night time here; the stars shining bright, a crisp cool air, winter is approaching. Beautiful.


Going to let things sink in a little, and enjoy my day.


Thanks,
Tim.

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8 hours ago, Fuxi said:

I just woke up, haven't felt more balanced like this in a long time.

Thanks alot.

 

It's still night time here; the stars shining bright, a crisp cool air, winter is approaching. Beautiful.


Going to let things sink in a little, and enjoy my day.


Thanks,
Tim.


Hey Tim. I am happy to hear you’re feeling well! Thanks for sharing that with us. :)  Please keep us posted with how things are going. 
 

Jon

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